actually, I'm a sock model
Can i not drive my cunt home
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
