it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
