dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize