Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
