So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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