i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
one might say we're banned from that church
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
