New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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