i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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