so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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