it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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