I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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