We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize