im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
