i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
