peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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