the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
