Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
