He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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