She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
