Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
