My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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