and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
