You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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