All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
