Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
