her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
