Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
