Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
