i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
