So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
