Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
