Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
