I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
