the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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