This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
