On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
