i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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