woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize