OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
