then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
