She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
