You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
