Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
