On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
