I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
