You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
