yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
