I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
