Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
