I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
