That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
