We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
