I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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