she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
