I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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