so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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