I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's like heaven, but drunker
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
