Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your cock deserves a montage
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize