I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
