just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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