I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were trust falling into bushes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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