mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
