i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
