Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
