hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
