My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Shame - the story of my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
