Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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