Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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