she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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