I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
