There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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