Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
