Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
