I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
