Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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