I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
