Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize