Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
