She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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