it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
