I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
