Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
