O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
