just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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