I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I will die if light touches me.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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