my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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