you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
