I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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