just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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