Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
