I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
