Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
