why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
