there's paper in my vomit.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
