No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
