Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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