Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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